EMERGENCY PLANNING FOR DC FAMILIES: Part 3 –  Talking with Your Children and Teens About Civil Unrest and Community Violence

(by Dr. Allison Sibley with contributions from Jozi Zwerdling & Michelle Pittman)

Many of our clients, both children/teens and parents, are coming to their sessions this week worried about the state of our city, their children’s safety, and their family’s level of anxiety in response to the ICE raids and upheaval related to arrests and policing by the National Guard as ordered by President Trump on Tuesday, August 5th. Last week, we looked at how to cope with the disruption related to the crisis. This week, we will review specific talking points to use when talking with your children about the state of our city.

We can learn from our Black and Brown parents who have had to have these difficult conversations with their children for generations. They have modeled courage in the face of fear, truth-telling in the face of silence, and a deep commitment to preparing their children to stay safe and resilient in a world that has too often denied them the protection of justice.

White parents, too, must recognize the responsibility to have these conversations with their children—not only to prepare them for understanding the world around them, but also to interrupt silence, indifference, and inherited privilege that perpetuate inequity. Conversations about racism, violence, and community unrest are not optional; they are a necessary part of raising children who will be safe, informed, and compassionate leaders in our future communities.

Why These Conversations Matter

Children and teens are observant. They overhear news reports, see images on social media, and sense the anxiety in their homes and neighborhoods. Silence can amplify fear. Talking openly with children gives them both clarity and comfort. It also builds resilience by helping them process the difficult truth that injustice exists—while giving them tools to respond with empathy, action, and hope.

Authors like Ibram X. Kendi and Jason Reynolds remind us in Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You that racism is not simply about individual prejudice, but about systems and power. Similarly, Austin Channing Brown shares in I’m Still Here that for people of color, navigating predominantly white spaces requires an exhausting awareness of safety and belonging. These lessons provide powerful starting points for families of all backgrounds to discuss what children are witnessing and feeling during times of unrest.

Talking Points for Families of Color

For parents of Black, Brown, immigrant, and other marginalized backgrounds, these conversations often feel painfully familiar. They are rooted in what many call “The Talk”—a set of hard truths about safety, identity, and dignity that children need to hear to protect themselves.

• Acknowledge the reality: “What you are seeing is real. People are hurt and angry because unfairness and violence have happened for a long time.”
• Name the injustice: “Sometimes people are mistreated because of their skin color, culture, or where they come from. This is wrong, but you are not wrong for who you are.”
• Safety first: “Here’s what you should do if you are stopped by the police or in a crowd that feels unsafe.” (Give specific steps based on age and experience.)
• Affirm identity: “You are valuable, loved, and strong. Your culture and identity are beautiful. No one can take that from you.”
• Model resilience: Share family or community stories of courage, survival, and advocacy that connect children to a legacy of strength.

Talking Points for White Families

For white parents, these conversations are less about survival and more about raising children who will not remain silent in the face of injustice. It requires intentionality to teach children to see their privilege and to use it to stand with those who are oppressed.

• Name privilege clearly: “We don’t have to worry about some things that Black and Brown families worry about. That’s called privilege. It’s unfair, and we need to do better.”
• Reject colorblindness: “Some people say they don’t ‘see color.’ But we do see color, and it matters. People’s differences should be respected, not erased.”
• Encourage empathy and listening: “When people protest, it’s because they have been hurt for a long time, or know about other people who have been hurt for a long time. Our job is to listen and learn, not to judge.”
• Practice accountability: “When we hear someone, especially another white person, make a racist joke or comment, it’s important to speak up. Even small acts of silence can make unfairness stronger.”
• Model antiracism: Share stories of historical or modern antiracist leaders, and discuss how your family can contribute—through volunteering, donating, or advocating.

Tips for Parents of All Backgrounds

• Create space for feelings: Allow children to share fears, sadness, anger, or confusion. Validate their emotions before moving into problem-solving.
• Use age-appropriate language: Younger children need simple truths and reassurance of safety, while teens can handle more nuance about systems and power.
• Encourage critical thinking: Ask, “What do you think? What do you notice? How do you feel?” Teach children to question bias and seek multiple perspectives.
• Balance truth with hope: While acknowledging injustice, point to stories of change—past and present movements, community leaders, and young activists making a difference.
• Take action together: Whether reading books, attending a community event, writing letters, or supporting organizations with fundraisers, show children that action is part of healing.

Closing Reflection

Civil unrest and community violence rooted in racism and political oppression are painful realities. Yet they also present opportunities for families to grow stronger together—through truth, empathy, and action. As parents, our role is to try to keep our children safe and protect them from atrocities. Yet, when we cannot thoroughly do that, we may not be able to shield our children from complex realities, but to walk with them through these realities, equipping them with the courage, compassion, and resilience they will need to build a more just future.