• About Us
    • FAQs
    • Interview with Dr. Allison Sibley
  • Specialized COVID-19 Services
  • Our Services
    • COVID-19 Offerings
    • Adult Therapy
    • Child Therapies
    • Teen Therapy
    • Couples Counseling and Therapy
    • Family Therapy
    • Group therapy for children
    • Group therapy for teens and adolescents
  • Therapists
    • Allison Sibley, PHD, LICSW, RPT-S
    • Cristina Alba, MSW, LGSW
    • Justin Barrasso, MS, LPC, NCC
    • Danielle Birx-Raybuck, LICSW, LCSW-C
    • Alexander Chan, PhD, LMFT
    • Kristin Drouin, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, APHSW-C
    • Amanda Good, MSW, LICSW, EMDR-C
    • Jules Hartsfeld, LPC, LCAS, CCTP
    • Alexis Herschthal, MSW, LICSW
    • Sarah Jones, LICSW, LCSW-C
    • Meagan Mitchell, MSW, LICSW, MEd
    • Sarah Perrin, MSW, LGSW
    • Michelle Pittman, MSW, LICSW
    • Georgette Saad, MSW, LICSW
    • Rachel Scharf, MSW, LGSW
    • Lori Seifter, Consulting Supervisor
    • Barry Shapiro, MSW, LICSW
    • Laurel Tobias, MSW, LICSW
    • Lottie Walker, MSW, LGSW, CSE
    • Rachel Yutzy, MSS, LICSW
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
    • Hours & Location
    • Payment & Forms
    • Assistant to the Director – Sherri Eichberg
  • Home
  • About Us »
    • FAQs »
    • Interview with Dr. Allison Sibley »
  • Specialized COVID-19 Services »
  • Our Services »
    • COVID-19 Offerings »
    • Adult Therapy »
    • Child Therapies »
    • Teen Therapy »
    • Couples Counseling and Therapy »
    • Family Therapy »
    • Group therapy for children »
    • Group therapy for teens and adolescents »
  • Therapists »
    • Allison Sibley, PHD, LICSW, RPT-S »
    • Cristina Alba, MSW, LGSW »
    • Justin Barrasso, MS, LPC, NCC »
    • Danielle Birx-Raybuck, LICSW, LCSW-C »
    • Alexander Chan, PhD, LMFT »
    • Kristin Drouin, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, APHSW-C »
    • Amanda Good, MSW, LICSW, EMDR-C »
    • Jules Hartsfeld, LPC, LCAS, CCTP »
    • Alexis Herschthal, MSW, LICSW »
    • Sarah Jones, LICSW, LCSW-C »
    • Meagan Mitchell, MSW, LICSW, MEd »
    • Sarah Perrin, MSW, LGSW »
    • Michelle Pittman, MSW, LICSW »
    • Georgette Saad, MSW, LICSW »
    • Rachel Scharf, MSW, LGSW »
    • Lori Seifter, Consulting Supervisor »
    • Barry Shapiro, MSW, LICSW »
    • Laurel Tobias, MSW, LICSW »
    • Lottie Walker, MSW, LGSW, CSE »
    • Rachel Yutzy, MSS, LICSW »
  • Blog »
  • Contact Us »
    • Hours & Location »
    • Payment & Forms »
    • Assistant to the Director – Sherri Eichberg »
  • Home »
 
facebook

Capitol Hill office is now open!

Schedule an appointment at info@thesibleygroupdc.com
  • Recent Posts

    • Why Validation Matters
    • You’ve heard of Post-Traumatic Stress… but what about Post-Traumatic Growth?
    • Understanding Childhood Grief in the Holidays 
    • The Parent as the Pathway to Healing
    • What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? 
  • Archives

    • January 2023
    • December 2022
    • November 2022
    • October 2022
    • August 2022
    • July 2022
    • June 2022
    • May 2022
    • April 2022
    • March 2022
    • February 2022
    • January 2022
    • December 2021
    • November 2021
    • October 2021
    • September 2021
    • August 2021
    • July 2021
    • May 2021
    • April 2021
    • March 2021
    • February 2021
    • January 2021
    • December 2020
    • November 2020
    • October 2020
    • September 2020
    • August 2020
    • July 2020
    • June 2020
    • May 2020
    • April 2020
    • March 2020
    • February 2020
    • January 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2019
    • August 2019
    • July 2019
    • June 2019
    • May 2019
    • April 2019
    • March 2019
    • February 2019
    • January 2019
    • December 2018
    • October 2018
    • September 2018
    • August 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • March 2018
    • February 2018
    • January 2018
    • December 2017
    • November 2017
    • October 2017
    • September 2017
    • August 2017
    • July 2017
    • June 2017
    • May 2017
    • April 2017
    • March 2017
    • January 2017
    • December 2016
    • November 2016
    • October 2016
    • September 2016
    • August 2016
    • July 2016
    • June 2016
    • May 2016
  • Categories

    • ADHD
    • Adult Psychotherapy
    • Anxiety
    • Bethesda Psychotherapist
    • Child Counseling
    • Child therapy
    • Coping Skills
    • Couples Therapy
    • DC Psychotherapist
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Family Therapy
    • Mindfulness
    • Parenting
    • Self-care
    • Uncategorized
    • Washington

Five Battleground Strategies: Conquering Tough Moments with Your Child

Posted by Georgette Saad

Many of you know that moment when you realize that your kid is squaring up and ready to go to battle with you. It can be over anything, right? It is that moment of truth when you take a breath and face the loud, little human in front of you. The stakes are high, and it can feel as real as walking into a store on Black Friday with one objective in mind–coming out on the other end unscathed.

As a family and child therapist in Washington, DC, I work with families and children on these moments and how to enhance parent-child relationships to withstand growing pains. One modality in particular resonates with me in my work, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), developed by Dr. Sheila Eyeberg. In my work with families and in training other clinicians in using PCIT, I have distilled vast research and countless hours of clinical work into these five strategies that can get you through many parenting moments without additional clinical support. I’m sharing them with you to help re-strategize those battlefield moments.

Make a choice
What’s your endgame? You have a few choices. Do you want to stand firm? Or would you rather be more creative in your approach? Once you make this choice, stick with it. If you’re gearing up, then jump down to #5. If not, then keep on reading. Sometimes it’s just not worth losing your sanity to battle over the last carrot on the plate. Other times, it’s important to communicate to your child that you mean business and it’s important that your child trusts your judgement. Any decision is fine as long as you stick with it. Once you waiver and negotiate, your child will only learn to outlast you.

Share the plan with your child
A good preventative factor is to start modeling effective communication. They may be tiny, but they are smart and far more aware than they let on. Prepare them for what is going to happen. Let them know that “First we will eat breakfast. Once we are done, everyone will put their dish on the counter. Then I will put the food away and you can either play with the toys in the living room or watch a video until I am done.” Make sure to let them know that you appreciate how helpful they are being. Then give your child a two minute warning, then a one minute warning. During that interaction, praise your child for transitioning from one task to the other. If they have a hard time transitioning then move on to strategy #3 or #4.

Environmental Controls
This strategy is easily my favorite. While it cannot always be implemented, the basic framework is that as a parent, your role (among other things) is to protect, prevent, and be positioned. This is how we keep kids from dangerous situations. In the above scenario, if your child is not putting their dish on the counter, first use a nonverbal gesture to remind them to do so. Point to the dish, then the counter, making sure that they see you. It’s incredible how much a child pays attention when you’re NOT talking. If they do it, then great. Smile and say “Thanks for putting your plate up there. You’re so helpful.” If they don’t, and run to play with their toys or get the screen of their choice (TV, tablet, phone, etc), then calmly, go to where they are and with a neutral affect say “Your dish belongs on the counter after you’re done eating.” If they still don’t do so, gently but firmly remove their toys, or the screen/control. Then point to their dish. If they do it, then praise. If they don’t, let them know, once they do, then they can play with their toys or watch the video. It’s important to stay calm and stick to minimal talking. If they tantrum–their most powerful weapon–ignore them and begin to talk about what you’re doing. Yes–it will feel silly! And, yes, it works! Once they calm down and complete the task, they can have the toys/screen back. The same principles apply when your child wants to leave a room, and you typically chase after them. Stand in front of the door, ignore completely, talk about something else to yourself or look through your phone and speak aloud. When your child calms down you can say “It looks like we’re ready to walk together.” Remember to save the lecture. Actions in this case speak louder than words. If this doesn’t work, then you can consider #4.

Two choices method
This is a good way to bypass the struggles inherent when your child tries to negotiate with you. Here is a strategy to still achieve your outcome, but also give your child a choice while building decision-making skills and creating room for positive interactions. You can try asking your child, “Do you want to brush your teeth first or put your pajamas on first? Do you want to hold my hand or my pocket? Do you want to make your bed first or put the dishes away? I wonder what you’ll choose.” You can also use this method with your children as they get older, too. You might ask, what happens when they won’t choose or choose the invisible third option–neither? You tell them that it looks like they’re having a hard time choosing and that you’ll choose for them. Proceed with either #3 or #5.

Stand your ground
This strategy takes training and practice. I like to keep these ideas in mind as I try to stand my ground or as I’m coaching parents on how to stand their ground. Be direct, be calm, stay kind and be clear. This is the time to keep a neutral affect, even tone and follow through on what you are communicating to your child. If they choose to fight, then you should use predictable, communicated consequences. If you find yourself in this position more often than not, either switch it up with one of the above, or consider exploring

Facebook
support from a clinician. Once your child is back on track, give them an opportunity to succeed and create space for a positive exchange.

When all is said is done, your child is trying to assert themselves and that is a great skill. These five strategies help you offer your child an option for a peaceful path rather than a fight. In using these strategies regularly, you can begin to teach your child ways to problem-solve, communicate and be on the same page with you in the relationship. These steps also keep the health of the relationship at the forefront. You can still be in the trenches of parenting, while laying the groundwork for a positive, healthy relationship that can include conflict and disagreement, but always ends with kindness.

This entry was posted in Child Counseling, Child therapy, Coping Skills, Family Therapy, Parenting, Uncategorized and tagged child counseling, conflict resolution, coping skills, discipline, family counseling, Parenting, positive reinforcement, problem solving, tantrums. Bookmark the permalink.
← Previous Post Next Post →
  • About Us
  • Our Services
  • Hours & Location
  • Payment & Forms
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
  • Home
  • No Surprises Act

Allison Sibley & Associates, PLLC • 5039 Connecticut Avenue NW #5 Washington DC 20008
202-237-1196 [office]

Website by MightyLittleWebShop.com. Photos by Karen Elliott Greisdorf and Amanda Good.

©️ Copyright 2023. The Sibley Group. All rights reserved.