Is My Child Getting Better in Therapy?

Posted by Allison Sibley

In this blog post, I want to talk about the experience of being a parent who is taking their child to therapy and trying to track if their child is getting better or not. While I’m a child/teen therapist of 25 years and work mostly with parents currently, I’m also a mom of three kids. I’m a current and past customer of therapy for myself and my kids. Therefore, I get these questions both personally and professionally.

When my kids have been in therapy, I’ve experienced It ALL—the fear of them “not being okay,” the worry about how to find them the right help, the vulnerability of trusting a therapist to help them grow and recover, and the wonder of what is really helping and what is not. It’s a huge leap of faith to take your child to therapy! And, it’s an even bigger commitment to wait through the process and support their participation in therapy when you don’t really know if it is helping yet or not. There are dozens of questions that we must wade through in order to make a good choice.

How do we know what SERVICE is best? How do we learn about the best METHOD? Who will be the best PROFESSIONAL? How do we evaluate QUALITY? What/Who is the best MATCH? How can we trust the PRODUCT/PERSON? How do we evaluate COST? Who should PARTICIPATE? How much TIME will it take? Can I PAY for it?

These are all necessary, great questions. Yet, our CORE Questions are usually…. Will my Child be OKAY? And, How do I help my child FEEL/GET BETTER?

In this post, I’m taking my experiences as a concerned parent and adding my insights about what I know about “good therapy,” in an attempt to help you feel more empowered and engaged in your child’s treatment. I’m fortunate–As a therapist, I’ve helped thousands of kids and families feel and get better. So, I do know this WORK works! AND, it is still hard to trust the therapy process as a parent who is worried about their child. In applying what I know about the therapy process to my experience as a parent, I have been able to trust more, know better, and engage well in my child’s therapy. Here are the stages and steps, the associated feelings, and some potential tips to help you navigate this well for you, your child and your family.

I’m worried my child is not emotionally okay, what do I do?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Call a friend —>Not all Kids/Problems are Created Equally
Ask their teacher or school counselor—->Ask for Privacy for your Child
Consult their pediatrician —->Request a Screening or Referral
Read about or google “the problem” —>Use Reputable Sources
Engage a therapist —>Make sure it is a Child Specialist/Parent Expert

What options are out there for my child/family?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

20,000 Online Mental Health Apps —->Review Quality

https://onemindpsyberguide.org/apps/

100’s of Telehealth Platforms —->Choose Child Specialist/Parent Expert
Dozens of Methods —->Coaching, Tutoring, Therapy
1000’s of Therapists —->Initial Interview for Top Qualities

How do I choose the RIGHT help?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Talk about the problem —>Research potential solutions
Watch and wait —->Act quicker on more serious concerns
Ask others —->Get Referrals from Trusted Sources
Consider customer reviews —->Reliability is variable/reviews scarce

What do I look for in a Mental Health Professional?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Hire a qualified professional/expert —->Vet the person as well
Rely on concrete approach —->Versatile, flexible treatment is KEY
Proven track record —–> Experience matters

MATCH matters most

Good/great therapist —–>Responsive business practices too

It is a HUMAN Business.

How do I choose the BEST HELP?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Get my child help, fast! —->Parent work creates 2x gains
Child Therapy only —->Multiple Methods

(group, family/parent, couples, classes)

How much am I involved?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Wait for professional to dictate —>Ask–Parent meetings/communication
Regular parent attendance —->Minimum monthly contact
Talking with my child/teen about their therapy—->More privacy for older children/teens

How do I evaluate progress?

Here’s what I’m inclined to do naturally Tips to Remember

Wait for report/update —->Do I feel included “enough?”
Ask child/teen —->Look for markers (mood, behavior, etc)
Expect quick results —–>1-10% Rule [Use Gain vs Gap]*
Professional evaluation —–>Parent evaluation & Self Reflection [below]

I realize this guide just skims the service on helping you know how to choose good therapy for you and your child and evaluate the care. Yet, I think we—as parents—need to feel more empowered in this process. We can engage and evaluate well without controlling our child’s process. We can give our children the space and time to grow through their problems and trust those we are engaging to help them. I believe we do this by educating ourselves and communicating well with those professionals.

Let me leave with you a concept to consider as you ultimately decide if your child is being helped in their current therapy. Dan Sullivan poses the concept of Gain vs Gap when measuring progress on our goals. I think this model serves parents well when evaluating progress in therapy–for themselves, their children and their family. Change in therapy is slow and often difficult*. Yet, we can feel happier with our progress and stay more motivated when we measure our progress against where we started vs what our ideal outcome is. Dan Sullivan notes that we should measure progress by focusing on specifics and make our goals unique in order to own the process.

These concepts work great with therapy gains. Work with your therapist to identify specific markers that are customized to your child and family, and make sure you evaluate progress based on specific gains vs future ideals—and always measure backwards vs forwards. For instance, I’d like my son to be happy, healthy and engaging with friends well. Yet, he’s been on a path of recovering from the impact of COVID socially and emotionally. He’s regained his love of learning and his reading/writing skills, and he’s become more aware of what kind of friend he is. He’s more loving and content. Yet, is he completely happy with his new school or friendships that aren’t fully formed yet. No, he’s working on it!

In closing, here are the questions to ask yourself periodically about your child/family’s participation in therapy. Talk with your provider about them to keep the lines of communication open and progressing. And, remember, you matter most when it comes to your child’s growth and progress.

How likely would I be willing to refer a friend or colleague to this professional for help? (0-10)

How satisfied am I with my child’s progress over time? (0-10)

How included do I feel in my child’s treatment given his/her age and situation? (0-10)