Is Tech Different for Kids with Neurodivergence? (Part 3)

Part 3:  Tech Wrap-Up for Neurdifferent Families 

In the past two blogs ( Jagged Little Path Back to School for Neurodivergent Families, Is Low-Demand Parenting Right For Your Family?), I’ve presented the dilemma for parents of kids with neurodivergence: Do I limit my uniquely wired child’s screen time, or do I leverage and manage it? Am I harming my child by letting them engage in screens, or am I offering them an aid of some kind?   I support parents saying YES to all of these approaches. I help parents of neurodiverse kids flexibly customize their tech approach, as they have to do in their daily neurodifferent parenting. 

When it comes to the implications of Technology on kids with neurodivergence, this article sums it up the best:  https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/screen-time-kids-with-asd/

Here are their exact bullets below: 

“Screen time and autism offer several benefits for children on the spectrum. The digital medium provides:

• a calming effect through predictable video games and online videos,
• visual and auditory stimuli not found in face-to-face interactions, 
• offers a controlled setting for autistic children to process and improve social interactions,
• practical visual learning tools, helping children with autism learn in a safe environment,
• a chance to bridge educational gaps experienced in traditional classrooms.

When it comes to autism and screen time, excessive exposure may:

• result in sensory overload, disrupted sleep patterns, and heightened stress hormones
• hinder social interaction and language development, as indicated by research in the South African Journal of Communication Disorders,
• worsen sensory issues, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and social anxiety
• contribute to a lower attention span, mental health issues,
• lead to exposure to inappropriate content, 
• cause a decrease in physical activity, potentially leading to obesity.” 

These suggestions above are specific to kids with ASD (Autism). However, they hold some truth for kids with ADHD and other issues of neurodivergence.  

So, what should parents of neurodiverse kids do? I’ve compiled some suggestions for our neurodivergent families below:  

First, parents can role model good digital use as well.

• Do you allow screens to disrupt or replace social interaction?
• Do you have screen-free places or time periods?
• Do you narrate your screen use for your kids so they understand you aren’t “just playing?”
• Do you use or allow your kids to play on multiple screens simultaneously?
• Do you co-play with your kids and learn about their games and social media platforms? 

Second, parents need to learn to leverage when and how they allow kids to interact with technology.  

• Encourage your kids to take care of their “daily six” before engaging fully in screen time: school, homework, exercise, eat, sleep, and non-tech social time 

• Encourage screen-free times before bed, during family time, and during focused homework times

Third, parents need to appreciate and be able to communicate that every family is different and each child has different digital needs. 

• Get clear and write out your family’s philosophy in addressing and adapting to your child’s neurodivergence.  For example: We try to keep things simple and frontload helpful, healthy activities for our uniquely wired child. We understand that the world doesn’t meet him/her where they are neurologically or developmentally, and we consider those needs when we offer choices and pose expectations. We try to avoid demands and “have to’s” when helping our child motivate (try “new” or “hard things”), and we rely on declarative language that fits his/her age as much as possible (“Tomorrow’s a school day. I’m wondering when is the best time for your shower before you see people, this morning or after dinner?” Be thinking about it.”) 
• Understand your kids’ unique risks and adapt your guidelines from there.
• Avoid using fear as a tool to set screen time limits.
• As a consequence, avoid “over-playing” (over-using) screen limits.  
• Rely on regular, positive conversations about screen use for your family.
• Decide what your family’s “Healthy Play Diet” is and how to adapt that to each child’s needs: [¼ each–Digital Play, Social Play, Creative Play, Active Play, Free Play (Kulman)]
• Learn how to adapt screen policies and tools for kids with ADHD and Autism (i.e., when to use for autistic meltdowns and burnout prevention).  
• Guidelines and “media plans” are helpful, but need to be adapted (shortened, loosened, focused, briefly spoken vs. written in some instances) for families with neurodiverse kids.
• Confrontation and high-conflict interactions around screens are harmful to the parent-child relationship.  
• Parent engagement with screens is invaluable. Parents CAN stay engaged, manage their overwhelm and release judgment and shame about screen use in their families.   

Fourth, parents need to “get” that all screens are not created equal. 

• Know that gaming is different than social media engagement.
• Know that mindless gaming is more harmful than purposeful gaming 
  • Co-playing or multi-player sessions are better than solo sessions.
  • Productive gaming sessions with goals win out over gaming to escape or avoid. 
  • Ideally, younger kids are limited to 3 hours or less of game time.
  • Adults who game more than 21 hours weekly push into “risky” addictive behaviors.

Fifth, parents can make screen time as productive as possible for their children.  

• Dr. Kulman suggests this method: 
  • Detect (what skills?), 
  • Reflect (how will this help our child in the real world?), 
  • Connect  (how do you relate this to your child’s needs?).

Sixth, parents must understand that opinions about family tech time are constantly changing.  

• Some of the most current and relevant content for families about managing technology with differently-wired children is on podcasts. 
• Check out these podcast episodes (Podcasts,–Tilt, Complicated Kids Podcast, The Neurodiversity Podcast, Beautifully Complex).
• Parents should also make it clear to their kids that media plans WILL change and that they can change them as they see fit. 

To sum up: how to handle screen time and technology use doesn’t have an easy answer for any parent, especially for parents of neurodivergent kids.  Don’t let modern media tell you otherwise, or push you into fear-based parenting.  Know that you and your child will converse about screen use regularly as they advance developmentally.  Find ways that screen use can be productive or therapeutic for your child.  And lastly, try to be self-aware in your technology use and role model behavior that you want to enforce within your family.  

Etchells, Pete. (2024).  Unlocked: The Real Science of Screen Time (and How to Spend It Better),

Haid, Jonathan (2024). The Anxious Generation: How the Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.   (https://jonathanhaidt.com/anxious-generation/)

Kulman, Randy. (June 5, 2023)  The impact of screen time on neurodivergent kids–improving the lives of people with ADHD. Founder www.learningworksforkids.com    

McGonigal, Jane (2016). Super Better: The Power of Living Gamefully.  https://superbetter.com/our-story/

Rossin, Hanna (March 2024). Radio Atlantic story, Smartphone Kids are Not OK,

Dr. Alok Kanojia Explains How to Raise Healthy Games on TilT Parenting Deb Reber March 12, 2024

https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/screen-time-kids-with-asd/