• About Us
    • FAQs
    • Interview with Dr. Allison Sibley
  • New! Mental Health Consultations
  • Our Services
    • New! Mental Health Consultations
    • Adult Therapy
    • Child Therapies
    • Teen Therapy
    • Couples Counseling and Therapy
    • Family Therapy
    • Group therapy for children
    • Group therapy for teens and adolescents
  • Therapists
    • Allison Sibley, PHD, LICSW, RPT-S
    • Cristina Alba, MSW, LGSW
    • Justin Barrasso, MS, LPC, NCC
    • Danielle Birx-Raybuck, LICSW, LCSW-C
    • Alexander Chan, PhD, LMFT
    • Kristin Drouin, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, APHSW-C
    • Amanda Good, MSW, LICSW, EMDR-C
    • Jules Hartsfeld, LPC, LCAS, CCTP
    • Alexis Herschthal, MSW, LICSW
    • Sarah Jones, LICSW, LCSW-C
    • Meagan Mitchell, MSW, LICSW, MEd
    • Sarah Perrin, MSW, LGSW
    • Michelle Pittman, MSW, LICSW
    • Georgette Saad, MSW, LICSW
    • Rachel Scharf, MSW, LGSW
    • Lori Seifter, Consulting Supervisor
    • Barry Shapiro, MSW, LICSW
    • Laurel Tobias, MSW, LICSW
    • Lottie Walker, MSW, LGSW, CSE
    • Rachel Yutzy, MSS, LICSW
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
    • Hours & Location
    • Payment & Forms
    • Assistant to the Director – Sherri Eichberg
  • Home
  • About Us »
    • FAQs »
    • Interview with Dr. Allison Sibley »
  • New! Mental Health Consultations »
  • Our Services »
    • New! Mental Health Consultations »
    • Adult Therapy »
    • Child Therapies »
    • Teen Therapy »
    • Couples Counseling and Therapy »
    • Family Therapy »
    • Group therapy for children »
    • Group therapy for teens and adolescents »
  • Therapists »
    • Allison Sibley, PHD, LICSW, RPT-S »
    • Cristina Alba, MSW, LGSW »
    • Justin Barrasso, MS, LPC, NCC »
    • Danielle Birx-Raybuck, LICSW, LCSW-C »
    • Alexander Chan, PhD, LMFT »
    • Kristin Drouin, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, APHSW-C »
    • Amanda Good, MSW, LICSW, EMDR-C »
    • Jules Hartsfeld, LPC, LCAS, CCTP »
    • Alexis Herschthal, MSW, LICSW »
    • Sarah Jones, LICSW, LCSW-C »
    • Meagan Mitchell, MSW, LICSW, MEd »
    • Sarah Perrin, MSW, LGSW »
    • Michelle Pittman, MSW, LICSW »
    • Georgette Saad, MSW, LICSW »
    • Rachel Scharf, MSW, LGSW »
    • Lori Seifter, Consulting Supervisor »
    • Barry Shapiro, MSW, LICSW »
    • Laurel Tobias, MSW, LICSW »
    • Lottie Walker, MSW, LGSW, CSE »
    • Rachel Yutzy, MSS, LICSW »
  • Blog »
  • Contact Us »
    • Hours & Location »
    • Payment & Forms »
    • Assistant to the Director – Sherri Eichberg »
  • Home »
 
facebook

Capitol Hill office is now open!

Schedule an appointment at intake@thesibleygroupdc.com
  • Recent Posts

    • The Truth about Therapy
    • Why Validation Matters
    • You’ve Heard of Post-Traumatic Stress… but What About Post-Traumatic Growth?
    • Understanding Childhood Grief in the Holidays 
    • The Parent as the Pathway to Healing
  • Archives

    • March 2023
    • January 2023
    • December 2022
    • November 2022
    • October 2022
    • August 2022
    • July 2022
    • June 2022
    • May 2022
    • April 2022
    • March 2022
    • February 2022
    • January 2022
    • December 2021
    • November 2021
    • October 2021
    • September 2021
    • August 2021
    • July 2021
    • May 2021
    • April 2021
    • March 2021
    • February 2021
    • January 2021
    • December 2020
    • November 2020
    • October 2020
    • September 2020
    • August 2020
    • July 2020
    • June 2020
    • May 2020
    • April 2020
    • March 2020
    • February 2020
    • January 2020
    • December 2019
    • November 2019
    • October 2019
    • September 2019
    • August 2019
    • July 2019
    • June 2019
    • May 2019
    • April 2019
    • March 2019
    • February 2019
    • January 2019
    • December 2018
    • October 2018
    • September 2018
    • August 2018
    • July 2018
    • June 2018
    • May 2018
    • April 2018
    • March 2018
    • February 2018
    • January 2018
    • December 2017
    • November 2017
    • October 2017
    • September 2017
    • August 2017
    • July 2017
    • June 2017
    • May 2017
    • April 2017
    • March 2017
    • January 2017
    • December 2016
    • November 2016
    • October 2016
    • September 2016
    • August 2016
    • July 2016
    • June 2016
    • May 2016
  • Categories

    • ADHD
    • Adult Psychotherapy
    • Anxiety
    • Bethesda Psychotherapist
    • Child Counseling
    • Child therapy
    • Coping Skills
    • Couples Therapy
    • DC Psychotherapist
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Family Therapy
    • Mindfulness
    • Parenting
    • Self-care
    • Uncategorized
    • Washington

“It’s the Hope That Kills You”

Posted by Amanda Good

hands holding a string of white lights

 

… or is it? 

 

Like most of you, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home watching tv since there are only so many entertainment options during wintertime in the middle of a pandemic. One of my favorite shows that I’ve discovered during quarantine is Ted Lasso – I highly recommend it if you haven’t watched. It is heart-warming and family-friendly. It is hard not to feel better after watching the always-optimistic and generous main character Ted win hearts and attempt to beat the odds, which are highly against him as an American Football coach leading an English football (soccer) team.

 

In the show, there is a phrase that is common among the football fans: “It’s the hope that kills you.” Booing and heckling their own team seems to be pretty routine for them. The fans have developed their own philosophy on how to cope with rooting for a team that probably won’t win a championship: just don’t have hope, and that way you won’t be disappointed. Brilliant right?

 

…Wrong! This might be the attitude of the fans, but the hero of the show is the epitome of why it is good to have hope, regardless of what happens. Ted is constantly showing patience and grace when people criticize him, generously offering gifts to his team and colleagues, showing respect to the assistants and servers and anyone he comes in contact with – by the end of the season, the whole town seems to know and love him. In his culminating speech of the season, he asserts that it is, in fact, the lack of hope that kills you. Facing a team that they are unlikely to beat, careers on the line, Ted asks his team, “Do you believe in miracles?” And the team, which started out in disarray with players detesting each other, comes together with such positive energy around Ted. 

 

I won’t give you any spoilers about the outcome. In fact, the whole point was that the outcome isn’t what matters the most anyways, even though of course we want our team to win. Whether you win or lose, the ride is determined by the mindset you have getting there. Hope won’t guarantee success, and yes, you can be hurt and disappointed when your hopes are high and you don’t achieve what you wished for. And yet, how pleasant is a win if the whole way there is negative and stressful? Nobody aspires to be the pessimistic fan throwing insults at Ted (although it is a little amusing); we want to be like Ted, win or lose.

 

There’s actually some good science behind why having hope is helpful for us, from both a health and an outcomes perspective. Hope acts as a buffer to stress and also makes us more likely to make behavioral changes that will lead us towards our goals. Hope literally makes us feel better and improves our chances at getting what we want. When we visualize, write down, or speak our goals, we are statistically more likely to take action to achieve them. In The Anatomy of Hope, Jerome Groopman cites scientific research as well as case studies with soldiers and chronically ill patients, and writes that hope can actually act like our body’s own natural form of morphine, by causing the brain to block pain and release endorphin and enkephalins.

 

Some of you might be wondering: But how can we be hopeful when things are so awful?  Working with clients through the pandemic- a time of both chronic and acute stresses – and going through intense stressors of my own, I am constantly challenged to keep a positive mindset and to encourage my clients to remain hopeful too. While things are so difficult, sometimes it helps to think of hope from more of a Buddhist perspective: using non-attachment. It might sound contradictory to hope for something while remaining non-attached to it, but it is a pretty liberating concept, and we really can allow space for both feelings.

 

Here’s what that looks like: that means picturing and writing down the things we hope for, talking with loved ones about our hopes, allowing ourselves to experience the positive emotions involved with having hope… and also practicing acceptance of things we cannot control, realizing that whatever happens we remain in control of our mindset, and incorporating self-compassion if we fall short of goals. Hope does not mean rigid expectations, it just means allowing ourselves to recognize what we wish to have happen, which means coming from a place of worthiness. Brene Brown talks about similar concepts as whole-hearted living – having hope is part of being vulnerable (it takes courage), and being vulnerable is part of being whole.  It is really hard to be vulnerable and to keep hoping when we have been through trauma, failures, or shame experiences; and yet, it is our best way forward, both for our journey and for our potential destinations.

This entry was posted in Adult Psychotherapy, Bethesda Psychotherapist, DC Psychotherapist, Self-care and tagged Jerome Groopman, non-attachment, Ted Lasso, The Anatomy of Hope. Bookmark the permalink.
← Previous Post Next Post →
  • About Us
  • Our Services
  • Hours & Location
  • Payment & Forms
  • Blog
  • Contact Us
  • Home
  • No Surprises Act

Allison Sibley & Associates, PLLC • 5039 Connecticut Avenue NW #5 Washington DC 20008
202-237-1196 [office]

Website by MightyLittleWebShop.com. Photos by Karen Elliott Greisdorf and Amanda Good.

©️ Copyright 2023. The Sibley Group. All rights reserved.

 

favicon

New Service Offerings: Mental Health Consultations

TSG is aware of the high level of need for mental health support and treatment for the families in our community and beyond, and an increasingly short supply of available therapists. We are excited to offer new services with immediate daytime availability: Mental Health Consultations. These appointments are a one-time or brief preventive and/or supportive service for individuals and families who are not engaged in therapy at TSG, yet could benefit from consulting with a mental health expert in a variety of ways. Email intake@thesibleygroupdc.com for more information or to schedule a consultation.

Click here for more information on on our new mental health consultation service.