The Power of Acceptance

The concept of acceptance comes up all the time in therapy because it is a powerful part of the healing process. When we’re suffering, the thought of practicing acceptance can feel really elusive or even aggravating to think about it. 

I’ve worked with clients who have had some pretty negative reactions to the word “acceptance.” I get it because I’ve felt that way at times too. How could we possibly accept our anxiety or depression or trauma? And why would we want to do that- aren’t we in therapy to get rid of these feelings?! Even worse- wouldn’t acceptance mean giving up, or maybe even condoning something awful? 

Let’s take a deeper look. At its core, acceptance is about embracing reality as it is, without judgment or resistance. It’s acknowledging our thoughts, emotions, and experiences, without immediately trying to change or suppress them. It involves recognizing that certain aspects of our inner and outer worlds are beyond our control. It means saving our energy for what we can actually change or control moving forward.

Feelings come and go, and when we make space for the ones we deem negative or challenging, we’re allowing ourselves to have an authentic human experience. When we judge or resist our feelings, we inadvertently heighten their intensity. It’s like ignoring a knock at the door that continues to get louder and louder.

Discomfort comes to us in so many forms – a loss, an illness, bad news, a shame experience, a painful memory, interpersonal conflict, parenting challenges, life transitions, work stressors, a looming deadline, the list goes on. We might feel angry if it showed up, or scared of opening the door; or maybe we feel too busy, too tired, or too overwhelmed to really look at what’s there. “Sitting with discomfort” isn’t exactly inviting.

Those reactions to discomfort are totally normal. The resulting behaviors might get labeled as denial, resistance, reactivity, avoidance, anxiety, addiction, but all of it stems from trying to protect ourselves from whatever discomfort is knocking at the door. 

Acceptance is not complacence and there’s no giving up involved. Answering a knock at the door is not an open invitation for a permanent houseguest. It’s just a necessary step towards having peace in your house again.

Acceptance is answering the knock at the door. Paradoxically, by accepting the feelings – by answering the door and facing whatever is there – we allow the feelings to pass. Once the door is open, the knocking stops, right? By accepting our experiences, we create space for healing and growth. We learn to feel discomfort, rather than react to it, so that we can respond to it with our goals and values in mind. 

Acceptance is actually pretty courageous. It means acknowledging with full awareness and vulnerability what has happened or what is happening – to us, around us, or within us – so that we can take control of what happens next. With acceptance, we increase our understanding of where the discomfort stems from and what we need to do in response so that it can move on. It empowers us to approach life’s challenges with greater clarity and resilience. 

If you’re wondering how to apply this concept of acceptance in your daily life, here are some journaling or meditation prompts to reflect on. As you answer the questions, try to just notice what feelings and thoughts come up, without judging yourself or thinking of it as right or wrong.

1. When you get uncomfortable, what are your go-to reactions? In what ways do these help or hurt you in the moment, and in the long run? 
2. Are there any difficult or negative emotions, experiences, or patterns in which you feel stuck? Describe what that feels like. 
3. What aspect of the above emotion/experience/pattern do you acknowledge that you cannot change? What does it feel like to acknowledge this? 
4. What aspects of the above emotion/experience/pattern can you change moving forward? What would you have to let go of? What skills or supports do you have or need for making the change?
5. What comes up for you when you think about making that change, and handling the emotion/experience/pattern differently than before?

Take your time to think and write about these questions and then revisit them to reflect more on how you can let go of avoidance, embrace acceptance, and create actual change. Acceptance is a key step towards healing and growth, and it opens the door to greater self-awareness, resilience, and wellbeing.