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Two Parenting Styles/One Household: How to Manage?

Posted by Molly Mattison

parents and child together on a couch

 

As a parent and family therapist in Washington, DC and Bethesda, MD, this issue of contrasting parenting styles comes up a lot.  Even in my own house, my daughter has come up with fitting terms for her parents.  One of us is the “Mominator” and the other is the “Marshmallow.”  Those terms speak for themselves as to our parenting styles.  Yet, with these two different approaches, we have been able to make it work and you can, too.  Here are some helpful tips.

 

  1. Draw the Lines

Have discussions with your parenting partner (without children) and talk about what your most important rules are that both parents want for the household.  Once you have established what rules you can unite on, both parents, despite parenting style, can follow.  This will present a united front on rules to the children and if those rules aren’t followed, despite which parent is in charge, the children know there are consequences.  Once you have agreed upon the most important rules, then both parents know where there is wiggle room.

 

  1. Know Your Strengths

When there are different skill sets within a set of parents, use each parent’s strengths and match them with various child activities/duties.  For instance, if one parent shows lots of patience around homework, assign that parent to homework duties.  Another example, if one parent is able to get the child to bed without much resistance from the child, have that parent manage bedtime.

 

  1. Allow for Differences

Remember, different doesn’t equal bad.  Many times parents squabble with one another because the parent interacted with the children different from how he/she would do it.  Before, you lash out in a criticism, think to yourself, “Does this go against our agreed upon important rules?”  If not, let it slide.

 

  1. Isolate the Issue

Finally, if there is something your parenting partner does repeatedly and you find that it is getting in the way of productive parenting, find a mutually agreed upon time with your partner and discuss it.  Don’t address your parenting issue in the moment, in front of the child.  This will only create resentment and confusion.

 

It is okay to have differing parenting styles in the household. These differences make for a more well-rounded rearing and can be building blocks to your relationship as a whole.

This entry was posted in Bethesda Psychotherapist, DC Psychotherapist, Parenting, Washington. Bookmark the permalink.
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TSG is aware of the high level of need for mental health support and treatment for the families in our community and beyond, and an increasingly short supply of available therapists. We are excited to offer new services with immediate daytime availability: Mental Health Consultations. These appointments are a one-time or brief preventive and/or supportive service for individuals and families who are not engaged in therapy at TSG, yet could benefit from consulting with a mental health expert in a variety of ways. Email intake@thesibleygroupdc.com for more information or to schedule a consultation.

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